Confession

I need to tell everyone about my longstanding addiction to meth. That has led me to despise myself, my wife and my kid. I'm having multiple extramarital affairs resulting in an unknown number of illegitimate children. I was recently arrested for multiple infractions of domestic abuse. I have never attended one day of school. I leave every morning and try and find reasons to stay away until at least 5pm.
Some of you who know me might ask why I have turned to this lifestyle. The answer is simple. It's all a lie. It's the lie my wife is going to tell the Medi-Cal social worker so we can get our son on the Governmental-Disaster-of-the-Precursor-to-Universal-Health-Care plan. Now you're really asking yourself the question. "Why would you lie to get on Medi-Cal?"
Good Question.
Let me paint the scene. I am in dental school. My tuition for the next four years will total an amount roughly five times greater than every dollar I have made in my life up to this point. I am going to borrow just about every penny I will need to feed, clothe, insure and care for my family, as well as invest in a stable profession for our future. I haven't made a dime for over six months, and my wife makes a nominal amount of money as she works part time at home. She stays at home with our baby. We both feel that if she had a job that would necessitate day care for our son, the monetary benefits would never outweigh the benefit of raising a useful, mentally and physically healthy, productive member of society. Continuing on. I won't make another dime for three and a half years. The school offers a great insurance plan for me, which is covered with the cost of tuition. It would cost roughly $300 a month to insure my wife and son. That's fine, except the school WON'T approve that additional in my budget, so I can't take out a loan for it. That leaves me with three options.
The first is to take out a private loan to pay for that insurance. The second option would be to get on Medi-Cal, which is free to those who "qualify." The third would be to stay uninsured.
If you're like me, you would choose the free option. And here is where it gets interesting. I am all for our government lending a temporary helping hand to those whose circumstances merit such help. But my experiences in the past seven months have jaded me.
"Welfare" isn't for the well-being of anyone anymore. It has become a system whereby people who have made reckless decisions can get a freebie. Here, let me offer you a portrait of our local Transitional Assistance Department.
La gran mayoria no son ciudadanos de este pais. Porque entonces, califican para recibir Medi-Cal y Cash-Aid? Y porque tengo que esperar aun mas tiempo mientras se encuentra alguien para traducir? Exactly. A few guys sit in different corners, twitching uncontrollably while they wait for their number. A precariously portly almost post adolescent neonazi mom of three threatens to "BEEPIN' BEAT" her kids "BEEP!!!" A few other people become irrate that they missed their numbers being called because they were outside smoking.
What are these people transitioning to, or from? Will any of these people ever pay back into this system?
It became painstakingly clear why, after seven months of beaurocratic red-tape, my wife and son are not on Medi-Cal. It is only for people who are transitioning into a state of complete and indefinite dependence on the tax payers of California. We don't fit the bill. So instead they give us the unending run around as to why we haven't been accepted. The quintessence of the incompetence of the system is captured in the excuse "There is no way I can tell you if your son is accepted or not. The best thing to do would be to take him to a doctor and then wait and see if you get a bill." Case and point!
So now you understand why I would make up such a silly lie. If my wife could say that I was that person, we'd already have had our golden ticket to the Golden State's Transitional Treasures.